Doctors ‘Dumb & Dumber’

Dr Raymond Adamcik
Dr Raymond Adamcik

The Case of the Creepy Caped Clinician

           You probably heard the one about the bar-hopping geniuses in Florida, drunken doctors all, festooned as cartoon characters, just out for a good time. One of these guys, and that would be Dr. Raymond Adamcik, age 54, impressed nearly everyone at the On Tap Café that night, by demonstrating how quickly he could fly from superhero to super idiot. Clad in his skintight Captain America costume, Adamcik spied an attractive lady at the bar and knew just how to impress her.  Yep, the ol’ stuff-a-burrito-down-your-crotch, ploy. After which he proceeded to grope the young woman between her legs, and insist that she reciprocate.       Unfortunately the lady had a boyfriend, which meant Captain America went from upright to horizontal, followed by handcuffs and jail, with almost superhuman speed.

A momentary delay did occur however, as the police needed to determine just which of the five – count ’em five – Captain America doctors was the real spandex miscreant. And doesn’t this make for a fascinating visual. They promptly convened a superhero lineup outside, where the victim pointed out the doctor do-bad with no problem at all.  He had that big lump in his tights, you see.  So Adamcik was charged with battery, resisting arrest, possession of marijuana (the smaller lump in his tights) and attempted destruction of evidence.

Adamcik eventually came out of the incident with only a few wrinkles in his cape, pleading guilty to a single misdemeanor of drug possession.  And in a surprisingly rare case of prescience by a medical employer, he was actually fired by the Melbourne, Florida Internal Medicine Group. Eventually his attorney successfully argued for expunging the criminal record, saying the doctor feared it might damage his clinical employment opportunities. Now there’s a lawyer who just hasn’t been paying attention. A doobie-toting, burrito-for-a-pee pee, vagina-groper in blue tights.

On the Bell Curve of physician misbehavior, this cartoon- character-entertainment-in-a-bar act fails to merit more than a blip on a state medical board’s radar.

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